i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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