i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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