theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
