Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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