I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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