you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
