It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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