She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
