but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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