I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
