Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
