billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
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