checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
