I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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