dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
