btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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