....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Too much gin, very little bucket
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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