I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
