i would punch a child for taco bell
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize