break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
