booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
