for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize