U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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