Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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