you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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