So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
