In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
