call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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