I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
