if you like me you must not know who I am
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
