Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
