I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
