He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The adults are the big ones right?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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