you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
