she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
