Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
