your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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