Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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