Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
