May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
