I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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