They should really pass out barf bags in church
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
