im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
