don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
