One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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