Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
