i just had sex bonerless
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize