I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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