I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
