if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
