All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
