I was born with a shot glass in my hand
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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