If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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