i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
