He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
