i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dignity is for republicans.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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