return my video game
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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