Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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