I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
