i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
