There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize