Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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