8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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