Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
